Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
