After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
