my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
