it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
