Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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