Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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