i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
