She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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