My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
try to milk me bitch
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