i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
