my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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