Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
