I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
