so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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