Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
