do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
