if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
