apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize