my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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