For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
