yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
