at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
