hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
