Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize