Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Randomize
