She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
