a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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