i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
