whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize