Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize