So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
