did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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