Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
