do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
