You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
