so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
