wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
