im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
try to milk me bitch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
