SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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