When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
is wine microwaveable?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
