respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
