her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
