wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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