I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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