it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize