So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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