I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
