We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
