halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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