The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
