in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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