guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
