My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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