i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love having hate sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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