real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize