I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
