Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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