get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A bitchslap is in order.
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