im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
