Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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