WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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