Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
