I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You are the jesus of drinking
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
