her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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