We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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