GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dude. I can hear the air.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
