Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize