life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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