I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
