so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
