Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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