:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
