I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize