if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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