so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
