if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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