Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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