Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
