There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
