He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
