were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize