You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
