I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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