i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
