Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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