You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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