question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
