Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
