3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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