So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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