I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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