i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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