She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm at about main and main street
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
