Don't you send me to vm
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
