I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My vagina is officially offended.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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