I puked a lego.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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