We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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