DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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