Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
