i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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