My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He has the fingertips of a God
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