I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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